I think it's normal to miss
my best friend
from middle school
things were far more
simple
with her
and even when they weren't
her freckles were
a constancy
I welcomed most of the time.
I don't know who is genuine now
people are awful when they're older
even though they were cruelest
when they were children.
most days I write like a child
I like to think in simple terms
and I remember Dr. Keikus
whose name I still don't know how to spell.
He was the first to try
and help me
simplify.
First with board games,
whose colored spaces
seemed to fade even more
over the course of 45 minutes.
Then with
the Grieving Process.
"Are you worried you'll go to
H-E-Double Hockey Sticks
because you're mad at God?"
I don't remember nodding
but life progressed
as though I did.
A success story
for Dr. Kekuus.
He was a little bit fat,
like me.
I think I liked that.
How do child psychologists know
if their patient who sits
on the floor across from them
picking at a scab
with sticky fingers
and wandering eyes
isn't just agreeing
so that they can fit one more
round
of Guess Who
into their session
because not everyone has that game
at home.
If I saw Dr. Keycus today
I'd probably like to tell him
that dead skin is the number one attractor
of cockroaches
and that I think of that every time I clip back
my hangnails.
If I miss just one
don't notice it fall to the floor
leave the room
I imagine Gregor Samsa himself
will be there when I return
cowering in the corner,
drooling over it
in shame,
because truthfully
he wants to be there
even less
than I want him to.